I Swear I'm Going To Kill This Baby Unicorn If You Don't Take Me Seriously

Hello!  My fingers are frozen so I can't type very fast.  This might be a short letter.  

Okay so Kyle is living the life!  He's funny over there in jolly ol England.  It looks like he's already starting to write like them.  Loco.

Oh Cambria has braces now??  For how long will she have them on?  And it's awesome that she's doing everything.  Live it up while ya can!

Happy Anniversary!!  You should send me a list of all the important events, like the thing the Bagwell family does.  That'd help me remember a lot more.  I can't even remember where I put my plaque sometimes let alone all these family events.

Wow waffles and chicken (well okay not chicken...)  sound so great right now.  Someday!

Well it's raining like a mad badger on ground hog's day.  There's lightning crashing like mad, the rivers flooded, I'm dripping wet and I hope this computer doesn't short circuit.  Ojala!  I remember I was so shocked that there were waterfalls on the stairs in Guaranda.  Buh!!

Well this week.... I dunno it was kinda a rough one.  I messed up on a lot of things.  The zone ain't too happy.  My district leader ain't too happy.  And tomorrow we'll see if  President is a smiling ray of sunshine.  But I guess I'll explain because this sentence could be interpreted wrongly.

So this week we received a reference from the offices, said that this investigator is golden.  Wants to be baptized 5th of May.  Awesome!  My district leader tells me that we have an appointment at 7 that night.  Right!  So we go a hunting for this investigator of gold.  Then we find out it's not in our zone.  Uh oh.  But we have an appointment in 5 minutes!  So we go running over there and we find them.  We tell them sorry but you don't live in our ward.  But the son (a member) told us that we have to at least teach them (his mom and sister and her husband) so that they don't have a bad impression of the church.  Dang it.  Okay.  So we taught them a bit of the gospel, eternal families, and the Book of Mormon.  We left the Book of Mormon with our testimonies in it and that night told the zone leaders that they're not our zone and should pass the reference.  But now that zone isn't too happy that we went over there and taught one of their investigators.  We just wanted to help the work people!!  

And then we've been up in the boonies working over there.  And we've been bringing members.  And they talk.  Alot.  And we're far from our house.  And any phone.  So we've been calling our district leader 5-10 minutes late alot this last couple of weeks.  So he thinks we're a bunch of happy sinners here and told me how angry he is with us and how we'll be having a talk Thursday and telling us who we should drop as investigators.

So we passed by for the last time these investigators and we met one of their daughters in the road.  She was crying because she lost $5.00 and her parents were going to beat her.  So we went up with her and told the parents the story and they were furious.  So we said we'd go look for the money with the daughter!  We couldn't find anything so we gave her $5.00 so that her parents wouldn't beat her.  The mom was scared too.  Then the dad came, the daughter showed him the money, then slapped her right in the face.  That ticked me off and I grabbed him and put him up against the wall and talked...firmly with him.  Nothin profane (I don't know those words anyway!) just that he'd be responsible before God for every strike he gave his family and that he should be grateful he even has a family and isn't out in the streets alone.  Oi.  

But oh well!  Todo bien!  Lay the axe on me!  I'm kinda bummed but we'll see what happens.  But it's true that I should be more obedient.  Need to be to have the Lord's help.  And I got the words of Rocky playin in my head.  Look up that speech will ya?  Gets me pumped to do my best every time I hear it.

Man that's all the time I have!  Sorry!  Those are my woes and sorrows but I'll be better tomorrow!  See ya later!

I'm Happy, I'm Feelin Glad‏

Well howdy do!  So let me just state a few things I didn't get a chance to say last time.

1. Mom I was drugged!!  Give me a break!  But you're right, God did help me out and I did learn a good lesson.  Never trust Peruanos.  NEVER!!!  But the Ghandi quote I read on the bus before getting robbed did help 
2. I didn't get the Brandon and Michelle thing at first.  "Waaaaiiit a second why doesn't Brandon have a number.  Only the kids have numbers!  And Michelle.  Michelle isn't a kid!  What's the deal.  Let's see... Cody is number one.... Allysa number two... Conner.... Lincoln..... Michelle?  Wait it's on her stomach.  UUuuuuhhhhhuuuuhhhh."
3. I'm kinda jealous of Kyle over there in England.  An Irish companion and everyone fighting to have you over for tea.  And here I am over here gnawing on a chicken foot, drinking my Quacker oats drink.... Man.
4. Hey so I just print the letters I get so I can read it all.  So don't worry about time.
5. How is Channing doing anyway?  Drinking milk now?!  Strengthen them bones!!!

 

But anyway this week was alright.  We had another baptism.  Ol Marco Vilcazama.  He had some kinda infection in his face when we found him and we gave him a blessing and now he's normal and he read the whole Book of Mormon in 2 weeks and he's now a grandpa and got baptized on his birthday in freezing cold water that was only to his thighs.  HEAP YEAH MAN!!  He's awesome.  An hour lesson with 50 minutes of him talking and 10 minutes of us teaching.

 

We were contacting yesterday (since all of our appointments fell) and we found a house of 15 Haitians!  I knocked on the door and they opened it to find a large group of large men looking at me.  It was the first time I refused to go into a house that invited me in!  But we taught 5 of them outside and they're pretty cool.  They speak French, Spanish (not all of them), and Creol.  And it's in a pretty shady part of town where they're always robbin people and stuff so the army was there too a couple of blocks down.  We were teaching outside and some sargent came and asked them if they were robbers and then had them all bring out their passports.  It was a rough lesson.  But we're goin back with Books of Mormon in Creol!!

 

Um so I that's pretty much it.  Yep!  Elder Recalde and I are pretty much a laughing stock of the mission for what happened but it's fun!  We're not the first!  We've been studying about how to overcome fear (talking, contacting, lurking ladrones..) and faith is the answer!  Always has been always will be!  So that's cool. 

 

But hope the wind dies down, the manure stays down, and that we're always lookin up!  Love ya guys and hope all is well.  Adios!

El Campesino, El Profesor, y La Droga‏

---

Ladies and Gentlemen good evening!  I have something interesting to tell this week so we might as well listen to this constant babbling and hope we learn something and don't waste our lives reading.  But let us begin!

It all started on a rainy morning, the 6th of April.  We studied like usual in the morning and headed off to lunch by the Ferroviaria.  As we were thus traveling in the bus my companion asked me if we should stop by and visit one of our investigators, I said yes, and we got off the bus.  As we walked up to the investigator's house there was a man in yellow walking next to us looking quite lost and looking for something in his pockets.  I was going to ask him if he lost something when he then stopped and asked us for help reading this little card he had.

He told us that he was from a small indigenous colony by Loja and couldn't read, but his boss sent him here to Quito to meet some doctor.  So we looked at the card and we didn't know the direction but we read the back part and this boss wrote that he was sending his worker to collect a check but that this doctor shouldn't give this worker the full pay but instead only give him a third and keep the rest for the two of them.  I thought to myself "well that's pretty jacked up!"  

The little man in yellow continued looking at us pitifully and fretfully and appeared scared out of his mind.  We told him what the card said and he didn't fully understand so he asked a well dressed man who was passing by to help us.  This well dressed man said he was a professor in a university and that he could help.  We continued talking and we came to find out that this little indigenous man in yellow had won 2nd place in the lottery, a sum of $50,000. 

"Wow, good thing we found this guy!  We can help him save his family from the poverty they're stuck in AND teach the gospel.  WOO!!" The man then promised us $2,000 if we would help him take out this money and then get on a bus to Loja, I told him we didn't want his money but yes we could help him. But the campesino was still scared out of his mind and he wanted to know that he could trust us.  Wanted to know that we had money to live and that we weren't going to go steal his money and dump him off in some place.  So the professor said, "look, I have a thousand dollars in my house, I'll go get it and show you I have money."

So we sat and waited and talked with the man and his sad story of his dying grandparents and family and how he was Evangelical.  Awesome.  Then the professor showed him the money then they put it in a pink little bag and had me tie it.  Then they sent the money back to the house of the professor.  Then the campesino said he needed to trust us.  I said we are representatives of Jesus Christ and we are not here to rob or trick anybody.  Trust me!!  But he wasn't satisfied.  So we decided to go get the small $45 that we DID have in the house.  He kept asking me about my credit cards and everything.  I said yeah I have about $80 in the bank.  "Show him the money so that he can trust you and we can give the money to the poor children that need help. "  Yeah okay.

So we went to get a taxi and just then a blue car drove by saying it was a taxi.  So we hopped in (MISTAKE).  I then taught this man the Restoration while we were in the back of the car.  He seemed thrilled that we believed his ancestors left a book here in the Americas.  We showed up to our house, my companion got the $45 and we showed it to them.  Look!  We can live!  I showed him my card for the mission (because I couldn't find my personal card) and said yes we have money.  They asked me if I could go take out money right now.   I told them no because I didn't want to get robbed (FORESHADOW).  So they said okay.

My companion then put the money in the pink little bag and the professor tied it up.  They told us, okay go put the money back in your house.  But leave your backpacks and watches so that we know you'll come back.  I didn't want to leave my backpack but my companion had already left his watch so I left mine as well, "Cost 5 bucks in Guaranda so there ya go!"  We went up the house again I told my companion, this is just ridiculous, how long are we gonna go along with this? He said "he's scared elder we have to help him!"  Okay...I won't be a heartless gringo then.

  

THEN!  "Elder Jackson, the money is gone!"  

#$%$#%!!

They weren't there and had all left.  All gone.  That's when the connections were made.  DANG IT!! I KNEW ELDER I KNEW IT!! I FELT SOMETHING!! DANG IT!!  (punched a door or two...) But Elder Recalde looked sad so I just went and put my hand on his shoulder and said, "well at least we have something interesting to write in our journals!"

But yeah my time is up.  But the story is that the little card they had was covered in some kinda drug that makes you just go along with things.  It's crazy!  We were all dizzy and tired afterwards.  But I learned to listen to the spirit and NEVER TALK WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN'T READ!!!

But now I found my card and we're not gonna die!!!  WOOO!!!!  And we're gonna be here for another change!  But thanks everybody, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD, KEEP ON TRUCKIN CHANNING, ROCK ON and I love you all. BYE!

Re: IMPORTANT‏

Hey Mom. I FOUND IT!! YIPPE KI YAY AND HIDIE HO!!  It was deep within my backpack behind some pamphlets and I just found it 3 minutes ago and I'm happier than a fly on a horse's butt.

But thanks!

IMPORTANT‏

Hey mom how's it going? Well it's just that I was robbed today (don't
worry nothin much and we're all fine) and when I looked in the house
today I couldn't find my card for the bank. So it's either misplaced
or somebody stole it when I took out 50 dollars two days ago in order
to fix my camera. But I don't know for sure. So you can you keep an
eye on the account please? If anyone has taken out more than that 50
dollars out from the Banco de Pichincha it's not me. But if I find
the card in the house I'll let you know. But don't worry we're all
fine and dandy here and I'll tell you more Monday.

Thanks! Love ya!

You Can't Fool Me!!‏

Hmmmm so I have some mixed feelings of this email that I received here.  And it's during the time of April Fool's Day.  So we'll play this two different ways shall we?

HA GOOD ONE!!  But ya can't pull my leg!  But if Channing really did fracture her foot and and had to go home for a month and her future mission is unknown I would say What happened?!  How'd her foot break?  What the blazes is goin on there?  And I would tell her (if all this was real of course)  that I'm sorry that she had to get sent home but keep the head up my sista!!  Your adversity and afflictions are for but a small moment (un mes mas o menos)  but you'll be back kickin in no time!!  God has a purpose for everything so have no fear of that.  You could also watch President Henry B. Eyring's Saturday morning talk.  That would help also (if this were really happening of course).  Just keep growing like you did and helping out at home as much as you can. Todovia eres una misionera y puedes ayudar muchas personas.  Y si puedo decirte que cuando tu escribiste algunos meses atras de cuando un hombre estaba coqueteando contigo y tu dijiste que "¿coqueteara con Jesucristo?" me impactó.  Me di cuenta que somos representantes de Jesucristo y se que tu puedes seguir ayudando muchas personas.  Go find Taylor Chick and baptize that sun of a gun!!

But other than that good for Blake!  I picture that hound that says You can take a bite out of forest fires..... or.  Wait is he a bear or a dog?  And who the heck is biting forest fires?  That's the worst slogan I've ever heard.

I looked for Ashley Rodriguez and I never found her.  But David Archuleta was there too?  What the heck is he doing singing with missionaries?  Unless he's coming to Ecuador and I'm gonna train him too. We'll go contacting door to door having him sing to them.  Sing Davey sing!!!!

Cambria is in knowledge bowl??  She's good?  I used to be in that!!  Then I let women take over my life.  Tragedy.  But rock on Cambria!!  Oh be wise what can I say more?  Read Wikipedia and play Fact or Crap and sing like a crocker spaniel on the road to Damascus.

Ah man I only have 10 minutes now!!!    So okay this week we've been doing alright.  It's the last week of this change.  Where did the time go?  No idea!!  My kid is too young to leave on his own!  But man do we laugh.  I've yet to have a bad companion so I fear this next change is going to be the one.  The one that slowly drags me down to the pits of insanity.  But who knows?!  Um so we've continued our scourge of the pits of Satan up in the hills and we found a cool family there.  But the drunk uncle wouldn't let us teach much so we have another appointment tonight.  We went to some other investigator's house that we haven't been able to visit for a week, and when we showed up they were all drunk.  They kept apologizing and saying que guapo I am and offering to buy me new shoes.  The wife kept asking me to make a smooching noise.  She smelt terrible. Then the brother was crying asking us to take him away from this family as he went to the corner to pee.  So we set a appointment for Tuesday.  They said hasta luego come punish us tomorrow!!  Yeeesh.   It was right after conference too so I was feeling all spiritual and had hope comin out the wazoo.  After that I was like.... WELCOME BACK TO ECUADOOOORR!!

So that's all the time I have so I gotta go.  Tell me what's goin down up north because I don't know and if that's apparent help a brother out.    And we hear the drunkards singing......Carry on carry on carry on!!!  Love you all.  Hope it's aight.